Monday, March 25, 2013


As I careen clumsily towards becoming a bonafide old man, I find myself developing a deeper understanding of things I either didn't get at all or only understood superficially before. One of those things is older men dating younger women. Like, women young enough to be their daughters. I mean, I'm not going to start doing that because it's creepy and pathetic, but I think I get the appeal. I mean beyond all the obvious superficial and stereotypical reasons, there's another level that most people don't take into consideration: older mature women have already seen everything. What I mean by that is that you can't shock them. When you're looking for a companion, you want someone on whom you can make some kind of impression. Since, in all likelihood, we (men at this age) have already done everything that anybody would consider good or nice or pleasant, the only impression left to make is to horrify someone with our awfulness. Women my age are likely to have been around the block at least as many times as I have and are probably jaded to some degree. Not that the purpose of being in a relationship is to startle your partner, but when you're old and disgusting and you introduce something horrible to your partner, be it a kinky, perverted habit or just a disgusting part of your body or your life in general, you not only expect, but kind of want more of a reaction than, "Yeah? And?".

"So... now you know."
"Okay then. Thanks."
"Thanks? No thoughts on that...?"
"Listen, my last boyfriend and I broke up because I caught him wearing my heels. I've already seen your feet and they're much larger than mine so I figure I'm already ahead of the game."
"Well, thanks, but..."
"Wait, you said you have a job, right?"
"Huh? Yeah, I have a job."
"Whew. All right then. Everything's fine."

That's not a conversation you're ever going to have with a girl in her 20s. Like I said, I'm not going to go all mid-life crisis and start dating embryos. But I understand one of the underlying reasons why other old dudes do.

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